I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
