Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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