You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
