i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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