My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
