that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
