Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
