I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
