i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
