Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
