i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A+ Viking dick
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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