I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
