he thought i was a dude.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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