I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
