saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Can I color on your dick again?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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