I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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