first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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