Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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