oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
