Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
