She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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