I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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