can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
