Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
