she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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