WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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