Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
do herpes really smell.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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