end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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