.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
