I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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