I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
