even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
