K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
