Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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