I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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