i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think i got beer on your cat.
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