five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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