i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
