i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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