i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
