My Higher Power is John Stamos
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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