my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
