Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
