Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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