I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
