True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Even my vagina gasped.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
