I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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