He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
