just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
