Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
