I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
